“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
Ever feel like reaching midlife has brought more fears than when you were younger?
Maybe you catch yourself double-checking if you’ve locked the door, hesitating before making decisions, or seeking advice from your partner or parents more often than you'd like. Perhaps you even put off regular check-ups, telling yourself you’re too busy but actually you may fear of the outcome.
Where Do These Fears Come From?
A lot of our fears are handed down from our parents. It could be from a scary experience with a dog, getting stuck in an elevator, or a turbulent flight you had as a kid. It might also be unconscious habits, like avoiding walking under ladders.
Here’s something important to remember: First, you weren’t born with these fears. Babies aren’t scared of flying, spiders, snakes, or dogs. They pick up on our fears and start mimicking them. And second, just as you picked up your fears in a flash, you can let them go just as quickly.
As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
You’ve probably noticed that these fears don’t really make sense. There are hardly any poisonous snakes around, flights rarely crash, and most dogs are friendly. If there’s no real benefit in holding onto these fears, why not let them go?
The Impact of Fear
Midlife often comes with its own set of worries about careers, relationships, and health. We have these images in our minds of where we should be in our jobs, our marriages, and our health.
The fear of not meeting these expectations makes us want to control everything to ensure things turn out just right. But this need for control can create a lot of stress.
Sometimes, we try to control every detail to avoid bad outcomes. This tendency to control is something I see a lot in my practice. While fear can sometimes keep us alert, it doesn’t always protect us.
What really keeps us safe is being aware of what’s happening around us. That’s different from living in fear.
As Dante Alighieri once said, “Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.”
A Personal Story
I remember when I was in a job that was starting to bore me. I felt like I had everything under control—good relationships with my colleagues, a predictable environment. The thought of moving to a new job with so many unknowns was terrifying.
But when I decided to take the redundancy package and start my own business, I began to face that fear directly. It was a learning experience, and it led to new opportunities I hadn’t imagined before. As Nelson Mandela put it, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”
Embrace the Fear
So, where in your life are you running away from fear? What can you do today to lean into fear instead? Here’s a friendly two-step approach to handle those moments of anxiety and stress:
Step 1 – Reframe Stress as Fear
We often talk about stress or anxiety when dealing with work, relationships, or finances. But instead of calling it stress, let’s call it what it really is: fear. Stress has become a normal part of life, but identifying it as fear can help us tackle it more effectively.
Ask yourself what you’re truly afraid of. For example, are you worried about how others will judge you if you turn down an invitation because you need some rest?
Step 2 – Reframe Fear as Excitement
Once you’ve identified your stress as fear, try to reframe it as excitement. Rationalizing fear might help some people, but it doesn’t always make it disappear. Instead, view fear as excitement. If you’re anxious about what others will think when you say no to an event, see it as a chance to focus on your own well-being and recharge.
Moving Forward
Navigating midlife means recognizing and challenging your fears. They don’t define you and don’t have to control you. By understanding where they come from and shifting your perspective, you can break free from the limitations they impose. Embrace fear as a part of life, but don’t let it rule your actions. Lean into it, and you might find it opens the door to exciting new opportunities.
Feeling overwhelmed by fear and unsure how to move forward? Timeline Therapy and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) are powerful tools that can help you release those fears and unlock your full potential. Want to learn more about how these techniques can support you? Feel free to reach out and discover how you can start living a life of greater freedom and fulfillment today.
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